I feel like I need to make a public statement. Like all my friends are looking at me to say the right thing and I'm sorting things out so I can say it right. This is not my public statement, I don't know what the right thing to say is, so this is just me trying to sort the situation out.
To smile and stride in the face of adversity is a great accomplishment.
Life is what we make of it.
Right now, I'm single again, independent, and feeling pretty good. Part of me is saying, "get upset." but I disagree. I mean sure, anytime I think, "my wife hooked up with a close friend of ours, one who was married as well, but where there separation wasn't as clean of a break.", it sounds like I should be freaking out.
but I'm looking at is an opportunity to get my ass in gear, shift in to a positive perspective and develop a stronger Caleb.
So I laugh it off, and move on. A little too quickly maybe, but the excitement of meeting new people is intense and I'm enjoying it.
I feel bad for the relationships that are messed up because of this, but that's not my fault at all. I hope the guys wife (I don't want to use any names out of respect) can get through this as well as I have.
When the dust settles, things will be different, and it's just way too complicated to predict how things will end up, but I'm sticking to my guns when I say I want to lose as few friends as possible. I'm going to try my best to stay level-headed and not step on any toes.
I probably have already and don't know it yet. I'm usually on top of things, but this is just way too complicated for my poor little brain, lol.
comedy is the cure, but it's so hard. Have you ever had that? Where you know you should cheer up, have a chuckle but it's so hard to get in that mode.
but, I'm going to keep at it, like a tug of war, I will fight off depression like it was a virus.
I'm going to end here. Maybe in the future, I'll give juicy details for any random people on the internet looking for entertainment through other peoples misery, but out of respect for the people that are really feeling miserable, I need to back off and just say,
Everything will be alright. It always is.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
9698: Ramrod
things are so crazy right now. Interesting though. I'm not sure how much I should put online...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
9697: guitars, bikes and cats.
Why does everything in life always seem like a game?
Should we really be taking it so seriously?
Should we really be taking it so seriously?
Friday, July 11, 2008
9696
The 9696th day of my life. It has a nice ring to it. I wish I could commemorate this occasion, but I'm not sure how. Something to do with 6's and 9's....
cribbage?
lol
Part of the reason for keeping track of how many days old I am was to create goals before I reach 10,000. I haven't bothered to put them up here because I'm afraid that if I document them and then fail at them that, well, it just doesn't look good.
But I suppose that if I'm too afraid to list my goals for fear of failing them that from the broad perspective, it's a pretty weak attempt at tackling goals.
So here are the ones that I wrote down on paper when I started this thing:
1: Write as much as you can (was planning on doing this every day, but it's hard to find the time)
2: Learn how to play the guitar (have already started this, but I think I should make a more clear goal, like learn how to play an entire song on guitar)
3: fly (I really want to learn how to fly an ultralight. If, by the time I'm 30, I own a place outside of Winnipeg with a run-way and an ultralight, I will be a very, very happy man) For the sake of this goal, I think just going for a ride and seeing the costs would be good for now.
4: University, career analysis... This is a very broad goal. I'm 26 years old and while I make decent money as a carpenter, I really want to do something else. I just don't know what that is yet. The problem is that my aspirations change from day to day. I'm currently in the process of writing a book and I'm confident that it's a really great story, something unique and out of this world, but still relevant to every day life. I would love to learn more about writing and maybe go down that venture. Perhaps write a column for a magazine or website.
I really want to make a difference in the world too. I would love to learn how to make video games and put them to good use like the driver simulation idea. A good friend of mine was killed because of foolish driving and that is something that could have been avoided if the driver could have been trained better. It just really bothers me that the technology is there, yet vehicle accidents are the number one cause of death for people under the age of 35. Theres so much bloody money being poured in to cancer research and that's all well and good, but a simulation used to train drivers how to react in emergency situations would go miles to preventing young tragedies.
That particular idea, I'm pretty fond of. I've been told that I should pick something that I'm passionate about, and I really want to have a noble cause. I think that's what I want to do.
I'm not really sure how to go about doing it, or to see what progress has been made.
I think I'll look to the U of M for advice.
cribbage?
lol
Part of the reason for keeping track of how many days old I am was to create goals before I reach 10,000. I haven't bothered to put them up here because I'm afraid that if I document them and then fail at them that, well, it just doesn't look good.
But I suppose that if I'm too afraid to list my goals for fear of failing them that from the broad perspective, it's a pretty weak attempt at tackling goals.
So here are the ones that I wrote down on paper when I started this thing:
1: Write as much as you can (was planning on doing this every day, but it's hard to find the time)
2: Learn how to play the guitar (have already started this, but I think I should make a more clear goal, like learn how to play an entire song on guitar)
3: fly (I really want to learn how to fly an ultralight. If, by the time I'm 30, I own a place outside of Winnipeg with a run-way and an ultralight, I will be a very, very happy man) For the sake of this goal, I think just going for a ride and seeing the costs would be good for now.
4: University, career analysis... This is a very broad goal. I'm 26 years old and while I make decent money as a carpenter, I really want to do something else. I just don't know what that is yet. The problem is that my aspirations change from day to day. I'm currently in the process of writing a book and I'm confident that it's a really great story, something unique and out of this world, but still relevant to every day life. I would love to learn more about writing and maybe go down that venture. Perhaps write a column for a magazine or website.
I really want to make a difference in the world too. I would love to learn how to make video games and put them to good use like the driver simulation idea. A good friend of mine was killed because of foolish driving and that is something that could have been avoided if the driver could have been trained better. It just really bothers me that the technology is there, yet vehicle accidents are the number one cause of death for people under the age of 35. Theres so much bloody money being poured in to cancer research and that's all well and good, but a simulation used to train drivers how to react in emergency situations would go miles to preventing young tragedies.
That particular idea, I'm pretty fond of. I've been told that I should pick something that I'm passionate about, and I really want to have a noble cause. I think that's what I want to do.
I'm not really sure how to go about doing it, or to see what progress has been made.
I think I'll look to the U of M for advice.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
9695: divide
so, I don't know if I want to put this out there, but whatever. My wife and I have decided to part ways after 5 years of marriage. Surprisingly, things are not that bad. We're both intelligent, stable-minded people and we seen this coming a while back. We just grew in to two incompatible people. I hope she finds someone that can truly make her happy, because she really is a great person.
I hope she thinks the same about me.
Being alone sucks though. When the company of your cat is all you have, things can get a little depressing. Although, in my life, I've seen my share of depressing moments and have learned to steer clear of them. Even when life is rough, there are always positive things to look forward to.
You also need the bad times to appreciate the good. The weird thing is, because I know this, I'm watching her go, and it doesn't really bother me. So, should I allow myself to sink in to a depression just so I can appreciate the good times?
I say no. I know what it's like, why should I? If I can get through my day without wallowing in self-pity, then right on. Life is beautiful. It's worth living.
So anyways... I'll probably be writing a lot more now. I hope my drama is interesting for others.
I hope she thinks the same about me.
Being alone sucks though. When the company of your cat is all you have, things can get a little depressing. Although, in my life, I've seen my share of depressing moments and have learned to steer clear of them. Even when life is rough, there are always positive things to look forward to.
You also need the bad times to appreciate the good. The weird thing is, because I know this, I'm watching her go, and it doesn't really bother me. So, should I allow myself to sink in to a depression just so I can appreciate the good times?
I say no. I know what it's like, why should I? If I can get through my day without wallowing in self-pity, then right on. Life is beautiful. It's worth living.
So anyways... I'll probably be writing a lot more now. I hope my drama is interesting for others.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
9693: community website idea
I was thinking of this website idea for apartments where there isn't already a system in place.
It could be just like a facebook app or something where it's completely optional for anyone in the neighborhood to sign up, and there can be preset programs for organizing sporting events, activities and so on.
There could also be a favor bank where people did favors for one another. Maybe earning points or whatever. All the gamers would love it,
10 exp points for mowing mrs. smith's lawn, congrats, you leveled up.
A lot of great things could be done with something like this, like keeping people advised on crime in the area, for instance.
"grey bike stolen off the corner of such and such"
I was also thinking, for places that get a lot of noise complaints due to thin walls, they should have an audible reader so you can see how much noise your making. This allows the landlord to have a restriction on how many decibels you can put out. This is good for the tenants because then there is a set limit on how much noise you can make, instead of varying from one persons tolerance level to another.
It could be just like a facebook app or something where it's completely optional for anyone in the neighborhood to sign up, and there can be preset programs for organizing sporting events, activities and so on.
There could also be a favor bank where people did favors for one another. Maybe earning points or whatever. All the gamers would love it,
10 exp points for mowing mrs. smith's lawn, congrats, you leveled up.
A lot of great things could be done with something like this, like keeping people advised on crime in the area, for instance.
"grey bike stolen off the corner of such and such"
I was also thinking, for places that get a lot of noise complaints due to thin walls, they should have an audible reader so you can see how much noise your making. This allows the landlord to have a restriction on how many decibels you can put out. This is good for the tenants because then there is a set limit on how much noise you can make, instead of varying from one persons tolerance level to another.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
9688: Gamers
A gamer is a hero-wannabe
The beautiful thing about video games is how they keep getting more realistic.
Why are we simulating stealing cars when we could be pretending to save lives.
You never know when an accident might happen and you need to have efficient medical training and knowledge on the subject.
It's not that hard. You just need a different type of video game designer. Someone that knows how to make a realistic situation exciting.
For example:
I've been thinking of a driving simulator so realistic it can be used to train teenagers on how to drive. It could even be used on a regular occasion to test people's reflexes and abilities as drivers.
If they wanted to put such a game in to schools, they could make competitions out of it. Even allow mod's, if kids want to race, let them do it. Maybe even offer it as a reward for completing all the tests.
Let them see the realism of what happens when you make mistakes. Violence glorified is a bad thing, but violence to desensitize the public so we can react in the face of danger is a good thing.
That's good game design. Don't horrify. Horror is stupid. True horror is driving like an idiot and hitting someone.
Why are we still testing drivers the old fashioned way? While video games right now, will not match the true physics and complications of driving in the real world, they can get close enough to test, analyze and train people.
So, where would one start with this? I think the government needs to allocate funds to ideas like this one.
With all the money in the world, wouldn't it make perfect sense to invest in a game that would save money and lives.
Get a team that knows what their doing and keep them motivated and inspired to create an ultra-realistic simulation for a good cause.
Here are some random thoughts on the technical details:
The game would need to be update-able.
It would need to be cheap.
It should be available to everyone.
The design is key.
Now that I think of it, I should probably write down my ideas. Post your thoughts
The beautiful thing about video games is how they keep getting more realistic.
Why are we simulating stealing cars when we could be pretending to save lives.
You never know when an accident might happen and you need to have efficient medical training and knowledge on the subject.
It's not that hard. You just need a different type of video game designer. Someone that knows how to make a realistic situation exciting.
For example:
I've been thinking of a driving simulator so realistic it can be used to train teenagers on how to drive. It could even be used on a regular occasion to test people's reflexes and abilities as drivers.
If they wanted to put such a game in to schools, they could make competitions out of it. Even allow mod's, if kids want to race, let them do it. Maybe even offer it as a reward for completing all the tests.
Let them see the realism of what happens when you make mistakes. Violence glorified is a bad thing, but violence to desensitize the public so we can react in the face of danger is a good thing.
That's good game design. Don't horrify. Horror is stupid. True horror is driving like an idiot and hitting someone.
Why are we still testing drivers the old fashioned way? While video games right now, will not match the true physics and complications of driving in the real world, they can get close enough to test, analyze and train people.
So, where would one start with this? I think the government needs to allocate funds to ideas like this one.
With all the money in the world, wouldn't it make perfect sense to invest in a game that would save money and lives.
Get a team that knows what their doing and keep them motivated and inspired to create an ultra-realistic simulation for a good cause.
Here are some random thoughts on the technical details:
The game would need to be update-able.
It would need to be cheap.
It should be available to everyone.
The design is key.
Now that I think of it, I should probably write down my ideas. Post your thoughts
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