Monday, June 22, 2009

One of these days

I'm going to have to leave. I don't know where to go, but I really do have to change my environment. I have to adjust my lifestyle.

I've always been addicted to video games, but lately... it's all I do. I used to have a purpose, but now I have no one to work for, my goals are all gone and I've become comfortable with the fact that I will one day die.

I have to change that. I can't be fine with living and dieing a meaningless life. I have to do something.

I stumbled on this volunteer abroad website that looks pretty interesting. It helps you get hooked up with volunteer services in far away countries. I was thinking about volunteering, just to have something to do and meet other people, and I love adventures so this might be right up my alley. Just need to make some money to get started.

I wish I had a writing job. I know I could probably get one if I worked for it. I think I just need to find the right niche, the place where my kind of thinking would be appreciated. Maybe something to do with my interests, like video games... or maybe something else... maybe traveling?

I watched a bit of this show about a guy that just travels and eats. I can't stand it, probably cause I'm just so damned jealous. I wish I had a show where I could travel, but instead about eating, it would be all about adventure. Where to get your heart racing. That would certainly be a lot more interesting.

Friday, June 5, 2009

I've been asking myself a lot of big questions recently, like what's the meaning of life, and the follow up questions like, is there one at all, and should I bother thinking about any of it, or is thinking about it all just a big waste of time.

To many, I think, they don't bother thinking about it, they don't care.

I don't like that approach. To me, the fundamental purpose of our existence is the single most important thing regarding our lives.

So, I think it's a pretty big deal and deserves some thought.

To many others, there is none. No purpose to life, no reason for plants and animals, and it just happened. Which at first sounds awfully depressing, but to me it seems like the difference between a straight objective based game or an open ended game that never ends.

And when you look at that analogy, it seems to look like, that if there is a purpose to our existence, then once whatever that purpose is done, our existence is no longer needed. The games over.

A lot of Christians would believe that once humanity is done with, like, our physical bodies, our spirits will exist in a happier place for all eternity.

When you break it down, and try to look at that from an alien perspective, a notion that there's this alternate self, and alternate place that is perfect and so much better, it really seems to put a negative view on Earth and our own bodies.

I know, I'm bashing on religion again, and I've been doing that a lot, but I've gone down this path of logic and reasoning that has led me to believe that if we did have some sort of ultimate meaning, some sort of task or purpose to being here in this universe, that we would have been told what it is by now.


I remember one time I was going to write a book where the Earth was a cell in a massive body, like the galaxies of all the universe is an organ to some massive being.

The story was that human beings were injected in to the organ to fight off a virus.

I think I may have combined too many bizarre concepts in to one book idea, I probably wrote about it on this blog before. Sin caused things to be out of sync, and the hero of the story had to get in line with his alternate selves to unleash his super powers and defeat the evil virus and save the big entity.

The point being that in the book, there was an ultimate purpose for mankind.

And now I'm asking, well, what happens when we're done. I'm not saying, will this massive entity, either the fictional one I've created, or the ones written in the various bibles, have mercy on us and let us live in heaven where everything is fine and dandy, I'm asking, what's the point at that point in time.

Y'know? Like, what's the point of existing after we're done our ultimate task.

Point... that's a funny word, when I think about it, and I do this a lot, where I wonder how a word came to be, like where it came from. It would make sense if it came from the word point, like the point of a blade.

Which is at the end.

And now we've come full circle.

Which makes me think about a recurring purpose... but then, what's the point?