Monday, May 31, 2010


I went to the Cavern last night and told a bunch of jokes. The room was cracking up. I'm so glad that I managed to pull it off.

it felt so good to make the whole room laugh like that. It's like this: This could be the beginning of something amazing, or it could have been one absolutely incredible night that I'll remember forever and that's it.

Either way, I'm fine. Nevertheless, I didn't have enough time to do my whole set. I had fifteen minutes of material and then found out at the bar that I could only do five, so I started off by saying this is part one of a three part series as a joke. But now I guess I'm committed.

At one point, the guy flashed his light at me, I said, "oh shit, it's like my ex-wife when we were making love, are we done yet? geez.." I should have said, "My sex is kind of like watching lost, it's good but every once in a while she's just, let's just end the damn thing already."

That's one of those jokes that have a time limit on them. As lost gets older, it gets less funny. Maybe I could have the punchline be something like,

"I keep you in the mystery, what's he going to do next?"

hmm... maybe it needs work, but w/e, thought since I was talking about comedy I might as well put down a couple jokes without using all my good stuff.

I do have to come up with some good shit for parts 2 and 3, I have material but I used all the best last night.

I have to go check on my tent, I went to go see it last night at 4 in the morning after the show and it was completely dark, I stepped in to the woods that are normally dry and felt about a foot of water. So, yea, it's probably floating away right now. Hey, maybe I can use it as a mobile home. I'm moving up in the world.

I can probably work that in to a joke... lol... my mind is just twinkling right now, it's like a jalapeno high.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Short Story: The Trip

Eric watched the sun set.

"Have I ever watched the sun set in it's entirety?" Eric thought to himself. He had been staring out his small apartment window for a few hours now. "This will be the last sunset I ever see."

Eric raised the pen and continued to write.

"If I had more time, this suicide note would be a suicide novel. I'll spare you the apologies and all the reasoning as to what has brought me here. Just know that this is not your fault. This is the only choice left for me to take."

This was a lie, and Eric knew it. He didn't have to steal his fathers gun when he went to visit last Sunday, he didn't have to put in the bullet, and he didn't have to pull the trigger. Yet, he still chose to do so.

The bullet penetrated his brain and in a few short moments, he was dead.

He didn't expect to feel any pain but for the first time he could remember he felt the greatest pain that he had ever felt. Like every cell in his body was being tortured and Eric was frozen in time as the pain reached it's peak.

"AAAAAGGHHHHH!!!" Eric screamed.

All of a sudden, it stopped. There was nothing but white.

"I suppose that is better now, yes?" A strange voice said to him. This voice was part robotic, part human, part... something else that Eric couldn't put his finger on. It had a soothing, purring sound to it.

"What the fuck?! What the FUCK?!" Eric yelled out. In the whiteness around him a strange figure of light appeared before him.

"Well, that wasn't too smart now was it...." The voice seemed to come from the light. "Eric? That was your name, yes?"

"Yea..." Eric replied

"You... how can you understand this... fucked up." The voice explained to him. "Maybe you can explain to me how someone with such an exceptional record can resort to suicide."

"Exceptional record?" Eric asked, still dazed from the trip.

"Yes, it says here you were quite heroic in 1820 as a firefighter, you saved a lot of people, in 1536, you made significant advances in the medical field."
"Rein... carnation?" Eric muttered.

"It'll come back to you." The voice said. "How could a character with such a high value for life resort to suicide?"

"I had nothing to live for..." Eric explained. "My wife left me, I was fired, I was swimming in debt..."

"Yes, and now it's starting to seem petty, isn't it. We gave you a life, Eric, and you threw it away. These trips don't come cheap, and if you can't handle the 21st century, there's no way you'll be able to handle the 31st century."

"Is that the year we're in?"

"No, that's where you were headed if you passed, but I'm afraid you failed miserably Eric."

It was starting to come back to Eric. This was life, to exist in this time period, he had first needed to prove himself again and again in many different time periods prior. He had gone through many times now but now this thing was contemplating erasing Eric from existence. His problems in the 21st century really were starting to look petty and insignificant when compared to the big picture.

"Please don't erase me." Eric begged.

"I don't think it is quite time for that, but you will have to repeat a few cycles. I'm sorry Eric."

"No, please, don't send me back. Let me stay here, please."

"Good bye Eric."

"Agghh!" Eric yelled as the unbearable pain started coming back.

The scream started to get muffled and everything got dark for Eric. Then light flooded his eyes and the scream started coming back, this time from the mouth of a newborn infant. "Wahhhhh" The scream filled the room of the hospital. Eric was now gone and while the body was different there was still the same essence within. When his eyes opened, he was now in 1943, born in a German hospital. Eric, or the body formerly known as Eric would have to prove himself once again.